I have been so busy with school, learning to drive, finding possible universities to apply to and just generally life. I seem to think that everything will be okay, yet there is a side of me that isn't too fond of the way that life is going for me. I feel like I am growing up to fast, that my childhood and my teenage years are slipping through my fingers, and before I know it I will be a 'grown up' with grown up responsibilities and feelings. I don't want that to be honest. One part of me wants life to hurry up so I can be finished with school and enjoy a little more freedom whilst I am away at university, yet another part of me wants everything to stay the same. I don't want to experience the people I see every single day to just not be there anymore, as we'll all part ways. I know that as much as we'd like to keep seeing each other after we leave school, we won't. We will eventually drift miles apart from each other, literally, and there will be nothing that we can do about it, because well, that's life. Humans think they can do anything, yet we can never stop time. We can never grab hold of life and force it to remain stationary. All we can do is to hold onto the memories we've experienced and try our up most hardest to not forget them. Yet, again, we eventually will.
I guess for the last few weeks I have been feeling so nostalgic, like I just cannot let go of the past. I have never been the one to be able to let things go, especially memories. Everything seemed so simple back then. I want to still be that young innocent girl that didn't have a clue of the realities of life, the girl that didn't have worries. The girl that wasn't yet aware of all the possible emotions a human could feel. The girl that didn't know that people could feel like their heart had been ripped out of your body, thrown on the floor, stomped on and left to clear up by themselves. I want to be the little girl that could crawl into her mothers arms and stay there, as a form of escape from the world.
I'm excited but scared at the same time, the fact that life isn't going to stop for anymore, especially not for me. The only comfort we all have is knowing someone else out there in the world is feeling the exactly same way as you are at that present moment.
My parents never sat me down and told me the valuable life lessons they had learnt, and I had yet to learn. Yet, I know that as my little sister is growing up I am her role model. And I will fill that space with being her true best friend with getting through life, I've ran through the course she'll be experiencing in a few years and I'll be the one to tell her what is right and wrong. I'll let her know what as soon as the understands, that life moves fast. That time shouldn't be spent with people that make you unhappy, rather it should be spent with people that make you smile, that make you laugh to tears. That friends will walk into and out of her life as fast as they walk in, and she should never take them for granted. I'll tell her to appreciate her family because friends are always going to shift around, yet family are the only people in her life that will always have the permanent role of being her support. And I'll tell her that no matter how shit life may seem one day, it will be the complete opposite the next day. I'll let her know what she should never be afraid to take risks, unless she wants to end up with a big list of 'what ifs' like her older sister has. And I'll let her know that everything will fall in place eventually. I hope to the best sister she could have possibly asked for and the best shoulder to lean on through the tough times of growing from a child to a teenager, and then to an adult.